Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
