just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize