also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
