update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
