Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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