She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
