When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
