At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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