I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
