i think my tv is drunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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