I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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