Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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