My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
