saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i drank out of a bidet.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
