I want to stick my p in your. b.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize