She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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