Your face is a jimmy john
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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