I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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