Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
