How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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