She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
