I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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