did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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