why didn't you poke me back
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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