wat bout pragnant strippers??
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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