people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
