when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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