i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
