Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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