My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you would pick up someone in the library
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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