ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My liver just broke up with me...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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