glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
