what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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