a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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