Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
