Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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