it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
