i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
