The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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