two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
