remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
