i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
