also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
