If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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