My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
