I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
