i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
