Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
