Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
