Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
