my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
