Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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