I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
