tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
