We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
