I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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