I should be sponsored by Trojan
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
