I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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