I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
