I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
