Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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