Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
