I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
