worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
