dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i now understand why vodka
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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