he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
