I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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