Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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