just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
