How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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