She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
