4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
