Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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