You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
