i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
