So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
