I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
