Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
