just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
