Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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