I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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