I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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